Sexy And You Know It: The Chronicles Of Breazy.

Don't you wish you could be sexy like me?
Don’t you wish you could be sexy like me?
One thing I am sure you all are well aware of by now is just how sexy I am. I mean, at 6’2 and a solid 170 lbs (I don’t know how you can be solid at a pound heavier than 169 on a 6’2 frame, so maybe I should use lean instead), ok a lean 170 lbs, Jiffy creamy peanut butter complexion and size 14 shoe, how can you not bask in all this thugnificence sexy? And how do I know this? Because my Mom told me and it’s written in a book somewhere. Seriously I can’t make this up.

Well, because I am a man of the people (something like the people’s champ), I want to make sure that you all persevere your Breazy sexy and stay as sexy as long possible. I mean, how do you expect to catch and keep someone if you aren’t Breazy sexy?

I’m sure you’re thingking “That’s a good question Breazy, you read my mind.”

I know; mind reading through a blog in one of my hidden talents.

Well, because I have more than enough sexy to go around, and sharing in caring, I will inpart to you all the ways you may lose your Breazy sexy if you choose to move foolishly, grasshopper. So then…be careful.

I present you with Breazy’s “Think Before You Sexy”

1. Have a nasty attitude

This is for the ladies. Some women’s attitude can be the equivalent of a 98 degree fart in Haiti that’s bottled up, once it’s open no one wants’ to be around. Who wants to be with someone who’s whole vibe makes them feel like they’d rather be with someone else or be anywhere else? Some women may not know it, but their attitude is just as important as their looks. Even though we would still sleep with a woman that looks good with a nasty attitude, it’s her attitude that can either make her wifey or a Geico insurance claim.

2. Smoke Cigarettes

You know what’s really unbreazy? Kissing on someone who smells like a fiery pit from Middle Earth. Seriously, this goes for both sexes, there is nothing worse than someone that you deem attractive, smoking a cancer stick causing their breath to smell like the tail pipe of a car.

3. The Jessica Simpson Syndrome aka too dumb for your looks

I’m not saying that attractive people can’t be dumb. It’s not like being dumb is limited to those lacking in the looks department, but I bet if you had a chance to choose between a Bentley with a scratch on it or a Bentley without a scratch, you would probably choose the Bentley without a scratch. So, to look like a Greek Goddess with the mental capacity of Jessica Simpson is a waste of attractiveness kind of like.

4. Just being Annoying

I don’t care how attractive you are. If you are annoying, you are not sexy and there is nothing that can change that.

Unfortunately, some supremely attractive women can be very annoying without knowing it. Since they spend so much time being fine, that they don’t realize they take on the habits of those assholes that annoy them (say that 3 times fast) making them Stacy Dash, who’s annoying habits have been well documented by previous directors and co-stars. But yet again most men would still sleep with an annoying woman, putting up with her annoying habits for usually no longer than one night.

5. Knowing it all

Who wants to be with someone who always has to be right or who has to have the last say in a discussion or an argument. There is nothing wrong with not knowing everything, but when you make it your personal mission to prove just how much smarter you are than everybody, you are not only alienating those around you, you are insuring that you will become the old cat lady who’s (pussy)cat hasn’t been stroked in years.

Since I am sexy and sexy is me, I know what sexy is. Therefore, if you don’t heed these simple suggestions, how can you expect to have a sexy to preserve?

These are a few examples of ways people lose their Breazy sexy if they had any at all. What are other ways that you know of how people lose their sexy?

Breazy “Fat Laces” Taylor.


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