You all know that I am not a relationship blogger, nor expert; but since it’s Valentine’s Day and all, Mrs. Breazy and I decided to write a joint “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” post on communication, mainly focusing on interpretation since we hear and view things differently this sometimes causes problems.
Fellas have you ever had a conversation with your girlfriend or wife only to leave scratching your head because you said something only to have your wife react in a way that makes you thinkg she wasn’t listening to you at all? Or you may say something and then you ask if she understands and then she says that you said something during the conversation that you didn’t say? Confusing, I know. Well that’s because women hear differently than we do.
One difference I’ve come to learn is that women try to read in between the lines. While there is nothing wrong with this, since we aren’t as good communicators as our better halves, and sometimes they may have to pull our feelings and other things out of us, I do feel that women feel as if there is always something more to it; basically nothing is ever simple.
That’s not to say that men don’t do it too, I myself try to take what is being said without assuming there is another meaning, but I can’t say that I’m always successful (just ask Mrs. Breazy she’ll tell you). I try, but I think women own the patent on this one.
Another example of how women listen differently is the “it’s not what you say but how you say it”, which irks the shit out of me. This phrase makes me feel like I have to speak in a child like manner while raising my hand like I am in the 5th grade just so that she doesn’t feel I am yelling or angry.
Ladies, can you please tell me how tone is more important than what is actually being said? Assuming your boyfriend/husband isn’t standing over you with smoke coming out of his nose, why would the way he is talking hold more weight than what he is saying?
Why do men and women have so much trouble with communication? One reason is that it boils down to interpretation. Men and women can hear the exact same thing and will interpret it in completely different ways. For all intents and purposes we are speaking the same language, but we really are NOT speaking the same language. Writing this post together was a good example of this.
I can’t speak for all women, but I know that for me, a part of communication involves reading between the lines. Yeah, I hear the words that are coming out of your mouth, (and in my mind, I’m thinking) but what are you REALLY trying to say? Looking for the hidden meaning in words can be a good and a bad thing. On one hand it can help give you a bigger picture and deeper understanding of what’s really being said, but on the other hand it can really frustrate the *#@! out of the person who may not have a hidden meaning in what they are saying – just ask Breazy, I’m sure he can tell you how I’ve sometimes managed to completely confuse him with the conclusions that I’ve come to. I know I’ve accomplished this when he get this certain bewildered look on his face.
Another example we’ve both learned of how men and women communicate differently is that how things are phrased can make a big difference in how they are received by the other person. For example, we had a conversation where I told him that I needed him to clean the house. His reaction to my request was like I was calling him out for never helping to keep the house clean. On my end, I was baffled by his response to what I thought was a simple and straightforward request – something I know men appreciate. This lead to a heated discussion, so we decided to put the conversation down for a while, and after some time apart, we both sat down to give our take on what happened. He told me that he felt the way I had asked was condescending and I explained that that wasn’t my intention at all. I was asking because I knew that I had a lot on my plate and him cleaning would help in getting everything done faster. By the end of the conversation, I wanted to know was there a way I could word my requests differently so we didn’t have to go there in the future? His response was yes, to just ask. It was that simple.
We both agree that communication between men and women can be difficult. But with time, effort, understanding, work, and compromise, we can get to a place where simply communicating won’t be so strenuous or lead to knockdowndragout fights.