What do Gucci Mane, T.I, ODB(RIP), Ras Kass and Lindsey Lohan all have in common? You give up?? They all can’t seem to keep their asses out of jail. Lindsey Lohan is back in her home away from once again, for punching a woman in the face (where are the feminists that wanted to hang Chris Brown?); it seems not only does Lindsey like wearing the country blues, but she also has a mean right hook, no Tyson.
If you read Lohan’s rap sheet and then closed your eyes, you would think she was a gangsta rapper or at the very least Bonnie to Chief Keef’s Clyde, I got that white girl that Christina Aguilera word to USDA. Oh, I forgot to mention that she snitched on Suge Knight’s son and she’s still living, she must have King Kong sized balls. It must be nice to be a white woman in America. I believe that if it were me, they would have thrown the key away after the first DUI and jewelry store theft. I also think it’s safe to say that Lindsay has officially reached OG status. So being the helpful person that I am, I have a couple pieces of advice that would not only cement her OG status but skyrocket her to triple OG status and strike fear in all up coming hollywood bitches.
1. Redo “Set it Off,” but for real.
Lindsay should link up with other white starlets that just don’t give a phuck; I suggest Brittney Spears to play Stony’, Megan Fox to play boughetto Frankie, Jessica Simpson to play ditzy TT and Rosie O’Donnell to play Cleo. They could knock off high-end clothing and jewelry stores on Rodeo Drive and Rosie can go out in a hail of bullets doing donuts in a Rolls Royce Phantom.
2. Offer the next judge her autograph
Now, this takes some balls and total dis-regard for authority to tell the judge you know you want my autograph, now where do you want me to sign?
3. Date 50 cent
He dated Chelsea Handler and IMO Lindsay looks better and plus she wild as hell, so she might even give him a run for his money in the sack or be willing to hold his guns and dope in case they get pulled over by the police, not to mention he has a things for crazy ass women, here’s looking at you Vivica.
4. Make an R&B record and have a b-list rapper cosign you.
By a show of hands, how many of you remember Brooke Hogan released an album, or her first single featuring Paul Wall? No? I didn’t think so.
5. Tweet N*ggas in Paris.
She should tweet this, but with a twist, she should do it while Making The Trap Say AYE with Oj Da juiceman.
6. Get a stomach tattoo that says F#CK HOLLYWOOD.
This would be the ultimate act of sticking it to the status quo that is Hollywood; not quite Tupac saying F#uck the World, but it still gets the point across.
Well, these are just a few suggestions that I have to give Lindsay to help her get her Ice-T on, do you have anymore?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.