Happy Friday to everybody. I hope that if you were affected by Hurricane Sandy that you made out ok, and my heart and prayers go out to you.
Did you know there are no natural lakes in the state of Georgia? The lakes that Georgia does have, have all been dug and made by man, making Georgia’s lakes man-made. What does this have to do with today’s post? Hhhhmmmmmm? I’m glad you ask. I have been doing research, conducting studies, and taking polls and shit, about the dreaded friend zone and I have found that the dreaded friend zone is something that is woman made. Even one of my favorite New Jack Swing Era artists, Al B. Sure, made a song entitled “If I’m Not Your Lover,” where the unibrowed wonder (is it me or does Al. B look like he’s kin to Anthony Davis?) has been in the almost inescapable friend zone aka the dead zone.
The dreaded friend zone is the closest a man can come to becoming a eunuch without having his Charles Dickens cut off. How does a soon to be emasculated male fall into the friend zone? Well, there are many answers, but I’ll just focus on a few; he can be “too nice,” which is an easy way of saying he’s cool, he’s there for me whenever I need him but he’s not winning the 3 legged race anytime soon; “too eager to please” making him the chump that E-40 and The Click were talking about on their song Captain Save a hoe; or unbeknownst to him, she had no intention of making him anything other than her security blanket while someone else is pulling her hair.
Now, from my extensive research, I have found that there is only a handful of ways – well really, one way – of getting out of the friend zone. What is that you ask? Cut her off and stop giving her the attention she craves. Now, this probably has a 40% chance of actually working, but women need attention just like they need a new pair of shoes and turn into a gremlin that has gotten water on it or been fed after midnight, without it. So basically, proceed with caution.
Ladies, there is nothing more cruel than keeping a guy around that you know wants to see you
p*ssy-poppin on a head stand “drop down and get your eagle on girl,” at arm’s length when you don’t need him, but want him around when you need some attention. While I have never been friend zoned due to my 80% success rate – I cut the other 20% at even a hint that I was going to wind up in the friend zone – I’ve been told it’s no fun. How would you feel if a man only called you because you can cook, you have the NFL redzone, and your legs are flexible? Oh, I guess that would make you a jump off wouldn’t it? My bad. Well, you get the picture, it doesn’t feel good does it? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and shit.
Now ladies, I understand we all need attention and we like to have that person that can be an ear and a shoulder to lean on, but that doesn’t mean you have to give a guy a blue balls in the process. In the future, when you meet a guy you know you are probably going to place in the friend zone; be upfront with him, so that he can make a decision for himself. And if he chooses to stay, then you have permission to have girl talk with him while licking 2 cherries.
I hope that you have a Happy Friday, Carpe Diem and a safe weekend.
So ladies, have you purposely friend zoned a guy and if so why did you do it? Fellas, have you ever been friend zoned and if you were, did you get out and how?
Talk to me, I’ll talk back.