If I’m Not Your Lover!

Happy Friday to everybody. I hope that if you were affected by Hurricane Sandy that you made out ok, and my heart and prayers go out to you.

Friends!!! my ass, I'm trying to see how sturdy he weave is.
Friends my ass!!!! I’m trying to see how sturdy the weave is.
Did you know there are no natural lakes in the state of Georgia?  The lakes that Georgia does have, have all been dug and made by man, making Georgia’s lakes man-made.  What does this have to do with today’s post? Hhhhmmmmmm?  I’m glad you ask. I have been doing research, conducting studies, and taking polls and shit, about the dreaded friend zone and I have found that the dreaded friend zone is something that is woman made.  Even one of my favorite New Jack Swing Era artists, Al B. Sure, made a song entitled “If I’m Not Your Lover,” where the unibrowed wonder (is it me or does Al. B look like he’s kin to Anthony Davis?) has been in the almost inescapable friend zone aka the dead zone.

The dreaded friend zone is the closest a man can come to  becoming a eunuch without having his Charles Dickens cut off.  How does a soon to be emasculated male fall into the friend zone?  Well, there are many answers, but I’ll just focus on a few; he can be “too nice,” which is an easy way of saying he’s cool, he’s there for me whenever I need him but he’s not winning the 3 legged race anytime soon; “too eager to please” making him the chump that E-40 and The Click were talking about on their song  Captain Save a hoe; or unbeknownst to him, she had no intention of making him anything other than her security blanket while someone else is pulling her hair.

Now, from my extensive research, I have found that there is only a handful of ways – well really, one way – of getting out of the friend zone. What is that you ask?  Cut her off and stop giving her the attention she craves. Now, this probably has a 40% chance of actually working, but women need attention just like they need a new pair of shoes and turn into a gremlin that has gotten water on it or been fed after midnight, without it.  So basically, proceed with caution.

Ladies, there is nothing more cruel than keeping a guy around that you know wants to see you p*ssy-poppin on a head stand drop down and get your eagle on girl,” at arm’s length when you don’t need him, but want him around when you need some attention.  While I have never been friend zoned due to my 80% success rate – I cut the other 20% at even a hint that I was going to wind up in the friend zone – I’ve been told it’s no fun.  How would you feel if a man only called you because you can cook, you have the NFL redzone, and your legs are flexible? Oh, I guess that would make you a jump off wouldn’t it? My bad.  Well, you get the picture, it doesn’t feel good does it?  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and shit.

Now ladies, I understand we all need attention and we like to have that person that can be an ear and a shoulder to lean on, but that doesn’t mean you have to give a guy a blue balls in the process. In the future, when you meet a guy you know you are probably going to place in the friend zone; be upfront with him, so that he can make a decision for himself. And if he chooses to stay, then you have permission to have girl talk with him while licking 2 cherries.

I hope that you have a Happy Friday, Carpe Diem and a safe weekend.

So ladies, have you purposely friend zoned a guy and if so why did you do it?  Fellas, have you ever been friend zoned and if you were, did you get out and how?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.


3 thoughts on “If I’m Not Your Lover!

  1. Now this is from a male’s point of view, as one sided as it seems, I do respect that there are 2 sides to the equation I can only speak abou the side that I know. I do welcome a female perspective and voice on this subject.

  2. Happy Friday to you too Breazy. We are all safe here in DC after Sandy, thanks for checking in on us brother.

    Friend zone? I’ll pose this question to the ladies; ever say about a guy, “Oh, he’s like my little brother”. That is the key phrase that puts a guy in the “friend zone”. Don’t bullshit around, if you aren’t interested or you just want girl talk with a guy tell him. We are simple creatures and understand (really prefer) straight talk. The minute you tell him I guarantee he will lose interest in you and “friend zone” you.

    Yes, I’ve been place in the friend zone more than once. Why? I have no idea other than the woman found me unattractive or simply wasn’t interested. That’s cool with me, everyone is entitled to have an opinion as well as choose who gets in their pants. How did I get out of it, kept her at arms length. I didn’t take a keen interest in her emotional baggage nor did I make myself available for shit like shopping or giving her a free dinner/drinks while she eyes other guys. How emasculating is it guys to be somewhere with a fine woman who you would sleep with in a heartbeat, buying her food and drinks knowing she is only using you for a night out so she can find a new partner? Hell, you’re out with her most likely thinking you may have a shot just because she keeps running to you, her “little brother” or her “security blanket”, when her latest partner found some new ass. How sad is it that as guys we would allow that to happen?

    Yes and absolutely and definitively, the friend zone is woman made. You want to have a guy friend to talk girl talk with, buy a damn male dog. Any guy that just wants to hang around and be ‘one of the girls’ is probably an emotional p***y to begin with and I don’t blame her for thinking that.

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