I Don’t Want To Be Understood.

Guy meets girl, guy’s whole intention is to get in girls pants, girl knows that guy wants to get into girls pants and is all to happy to show guy just how fast she can make her YKK disappear.  Guy and girl play naked Wii tennis and perfect Melvin’s squatting technique for about month, while being just friends with flexible spending accounts.  On the 31st day girl asks guy where is this going, to which guy responds “Baby, you know I love your flap jacks and dental plan, I thought we were just having fun!” which sends girl through the roof and causes her to think twice about ordering those French vanilla flavored edible panties.

He doesn't know it yet but after he tickles my ribs for the third time, his life I mean his name is signed on the contract.
He doesn’t know it yet but after he tickles my ribs for the third time, his life I mean his name is signed on the contract.
Of course this is a fictional tale (or is it??), but how many times have hearts and car windows been broken for not following commandment No. 1 of the 10 Cuffin Commandments?  Or, how many times have you found yourself giving more of yourself because you think that you are in a relationship, while the other person thinks y’all are just kicking it?  I can’t count how many times my female/male friends told me about how some guy/girl they’ve been sleeping with ain’t shit because he/she wants to act like they are in a relationship, but doesn’t want to commit.

Now usually when I hear their complaints, I ask a series of questions; were either of you clear with your expectations in the beginning i.e., are you just looking for a Cuffin buddy to show off your hip stretching techniques or did you make it known that you were looking for a relationship?  Most of the time the answer I get, and I hear this mostly from women, is that even if the guy tells them that he just wants to have fun and hangout, after a few times of doing the horizontal mambo, the woman feels like they are in a relationship. Basically, after you reach that magic number of sexual encounters, the coochie becomes an unspoken handshake agreement for a relationship.  I mean, we told you we didn’t want anything serious and you agreed, we were consistent while you were the one that changed, but yet “we aint shit”.

I understand that for some people, and by people I mean women, sex can become emotional especially if she grows to like the person she’s spending time with, while for men, sex is and will always be just sex.  That’s why we can sleep with someone who we may not like, may be mad at or because it’s Tuesday.  We as men we tend to think that if we made it clear what we wanted or didn’t want, even if we are intimate than signals should not get crossed. We didn’t lie and our actions have been consistent, you were the one that changed and caught feelings.  On the flip side of that coin, we may not recognize that our actions; the spending time, eating her home cooking, and of course the sex, may send a signal to her that we actually are in a relationship contrary to what we said in the beginning.

They say all is fair in love and war. But is that really true? Can you be the bad guy even if you were honest? And can you be the good guy while not being honest?  Is there a way men and women can both be honest without the possiblity of the friendship ending with someone’s feelings being hurt?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy Dee Williams.

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One thought on “I Don’t Want To Be Understood.

  1. Men are men are men. No we are not the bad guy if we are honest about our expectations in the beginning. It’s that simple. When sex starts becoming a norm in a relationship, women latch on to it and skew their expectations of where it’s going. ADMIT IT WOMEN! I can’t see it any other way. Being honest, at ALL times, is the way we wish everyone would be.

    Let’s be true to the truth here. Men enjoy the chase and the conquest of the moment. When we achieve victory, time to move to the next hunt. This has been true in the single world and for many in the married world. And…it rings true for women too. You can’t tell me that that some women aren’t out for the just the conquest. You also can’t convince me that some men mistake sex for love; although it’s probably too few to bother counting.

    Everyone’s feelings get hurt while playing the game, that’s a given but time will heal that wound and we are all back to chasing each other. Can you be the good guy without being honest? No. If you aren’t honest up front, you’re not a good guy to start with. I completely believe that if both parties are honest up front, then a friendship can stay alive without hurt feelings….HOWEVER…sooner rather than later the woman will start becoming emotionally attached and at that moment the friendship is done.

    The statement, “after you reach that magic number of sexual encounters, the coochie becomes an unspoken handshake agreement for a relationship” is exactly what happens in a woman’s mind; sometimes in a man’s but almost all the time in a woman’s. People, if you know you’re in it just for the sex say so. You won’t be surprising anyone nor will you accused of leading someone on. Honesty is always the best policy. If you want a fling, say so. If you are looking for something permanent, say so. No bullshitting around, that’s how people get hurt.

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