Controlling The Fall

Every time I watch this episode in its entirety, it does something to me.  It’s not just the episode itself that makes most people cry whenever they see it.  It’s the years of watching the love between Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert cultivate into this moment.  Who could have envisioned the nerdy New Yorker with the funny flip glasses and the annoying Virginia debutante being suitable for each other?  Through the evolution of several years, one sees these two polar opposites fight against and build upon what has already been destined since the beginning of time.

What stands out to me in this scene is that Dwayne is at a point where he is completely vulnerable.  It’s his last chance at tomorrow and he cannot stomach defeat.  Dwayne allows his heart to take over where his mind (and most of ours too) would have probably had him drowning in defeat.  Even in that moment at the wedding, a lot of us would have remained in our seats because there is no way to control the outcome.  No way!  What would have happened if Whitley rejected Dwayne after he made his dramatic proclamation for her love?  Dwayne risked losing his respect, future job opportunities, and a beat down for the chance to be with Whitley forever. . . . . and the gamble paid off!

Now I don’t imagine uniting with my tomorrow quite like Dwayne did but at the rate I’m going, it just might be.  Quietly, I envy Dwayne Wayne.  He had guts.  I would have been so preoccupied with the fear of being rejected by Whitley.  I mean, she was marrying another man right?  And since I’m being so honest right now, it’s that same fear that is keeping me from experiencing tomorrow.  Because I don’t trust my heart, I refuse to allow myself to be vulnerable.  I control what I say on social media.  I control what I do out in public.  I control my personal interactions with others.  In my universe, my heart has no power and my intellect is a cruel and evil dictator.  Yes . . . . I admit it.  I’m afraid of falling again.  But isn’t everyone?

While waiting on the barber to cut my son’s hair Friday, a conversation ensued about dating (but of course!) amongst the patrons.  A beautiful young mother was sitting with her son attempting to wait patiently like the rest of us in the shop.  She began going on and on about how men were no good and how if she had a man, she wouldn’t have to endure the wait.  Of course I chimed in regarding my views on relationships.  When I talked about how I prefer to slow the pace in regards to getting to know someone, she looked at me quite strange.  I gave her an example of a woman I previously dated and it was if her mouth hit the floor.  “I could never see someone for several months and not be the main woman! Hell naw!”  When I expounded upon dispelling a person’s representative, she acknowledged that I had a point but divulged that she couldn’t tarry on that long without having a title.  I countered that I couldn’t give a woman a “title” anymore without actually knowing her.  Then the young lady said something that made all of the guys pause.  “I’m afraid that if I went at your speed, I won’t have control.  You not gonna get this goodness for several months and then find out you don’t want me! And my feelings are involved?  Oh no ninja (she didn’t say ninja but . . . . .), you not gonna control me!”

Why are we so afraid to allow ourselves to become vulnerable for the sake of love?  Truth of the matter is, falling hurts.  Let me say that again.  Falling f*#king hurts! Whether it’s physically or emotionally, falling hurts like hell when there is no one to catch us. And there are so many ways to fall! The older we get, the more unforgiving the earth below is when we land.  I don’t know about you, but it takes a few more seconds to get up from a fall now than when I was in my teens and twenties. And depending on the type of fall and where I am, I may just stay down and take a nap!

Because we remember falling the first time, we try our best to control how it happens later.  That’s a no brainer right?  However, what happens when you set up so many safeguards that you can’t even enjoy the journey?  Very similar to living in a bubble in my opinion.  You’re not able to feel anything but you’re safe.  You’re not able to engage in activities like you desire but you’re safe.  So is there any wonder why people go to such great lengths to safeguard themselves from falling?  We want to make sure that we have a parachute in case we fall.  You know, the prenup, the relationship contract?  Yeah, those are parachutes because we don’t want love to take away what we have built since those teen years.  We want to control love, giving it stipulations on how it will affect us.  But will we ever find real love that way?  Love is a gamble and we have to be prepared to play, win or lose.  The only recourse to gambling is knowing when to step away from the table when we have overextended ourselves.  Unfortunately, we don’t get up from the table until we have lost it all.

Dating the Unhappily Married

“O.P.P.”, “Down Low (Nobody Has to Know)”, “My Little Secret”, and “Bad Habits” are just a few of the songs dedicated to that special someone that comes off the bench for the significant other when he/she is not playing their best.  “Can’t Let You Go” is one of my favorite cheating songs because you understand that you are living wrong but you can’t let the affair go.  As a guy that has had various mistresses and has been a manstress on several occasions,  I know how it feels to desire what you can’t have.  Now being that I have been on both sides of the plate, I can tell you wholeheartedly that the situation nine times out of ten doesn’t end well.  Now I know all the side pieces are in disagreement with this fact.  But the truth of the matter is that affairs normally end badly.

Prior to attending rehab, I embraced dating married women.  I have to admit, it was a fetish of mine.  I enjoyed having another man’s woman call and text me at all hours, having her lust for me when she was with him.  I relished in the fact that I was having her send me naked photos from her bathroom while her husband was in the next room.  And the sex?  Those hours of sin were the most earth-shattering, physically stimulating moments of my life.  It was a high that I didn’t want to let go.  And I searched out for the next high.  And the next. I thrived on the spontaneity of the chaos.  It made me feel valued at a time in which I was feeling disregarded.  And I was happy existing in the fantasy . . . . that is until the married woman would say “I love you” . . . . . . .

Now let’s pause right here for a public service announcement.  How in the hell can you have an exclusive relationship with a married person?  Not happening.  In order to be “exclusive”, both parties have to be “single”.  Not unhappily married.  Single. Not living in the same home but sleeping in different bedrooms.  Single.  How do I know?  Well, I was unhappily married trying to carry on an exclusive relationship with a mistress back in the day.  At first, things ran the normal course.  Then similar to most relationships, my emotions got involved.  And why wouldn’t they?  She was a friend that I could tell my troubles to.  She was intelligent and hella sexy.  So yeah, I fell for her and asked her to just be with me.  At first it was cool but eventually she asked me that dreaded question all unhappily married people don’t want to hear:  “Since you are still living with your wife, is it okay that I date other men?” Now any good pimp is gonna say no but I knew when she asked, she was already fielding offers.  It was foolish to think that I could have her all to myself while still being with my wife.  In the end, I was left more unhappy with myself because I was now being rejected by another woman in which I had developed soul ties.

Since I’ve been single again, I can’t tell you how many fall outs I’ve had with unhappily married women.  Every one of them has hit me with that line of wanting me to not date anyone else while they continue to live with their spouses.  I’ve had one that actually reached out to a girl I was getting to know and she tried to run interference and keep me from having a relationship! Her reasoning was that she wanted me to be with her, but I couldn’t because she was still married and had a fiance as well! (Thanks BlackPeopleMeet.com!). With another, I gave up a budding relationship for the potential of being with her.  Woman was more beautiful than a Hawaiian sunrise but something put me off as she could only answer the phone at certain times of the day.  I would call her and she would send me to voicemail. She would give me that line that she was helping out her family but what I came to find out was that she was screwing Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike . . . Ralph, and Johnny too! Now you see why I had to go to rehab?

When it comes down to it, a married person can not have an exclusive relationship with a single person.  No matter what type of logic you try to give, it’s a no win situation.  Now everyone wants to be the exception to the rule.  Hell, I want to be that one that hits the Mega Millions tonight but what are the chances there?  Ladies, no matter how much you say it’s only sex, it’s never only sex.  Emotions get involved and that’s where the trouble comes.  As a former addict, I can tell you that the married women I’ve been with have all caught feelings.  The mistresses that I’ve had when I was married, all caught feelings.  See where I’m going with this?  Everyone wants to be the fried chicken, not just the macaroni and cheese . . . . . .

Maladaptive Thinking

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This past Sunday I was given the opportunity to be in attendance for the Kevin Hart “What Now?” tour as it came through Augusta.  While others are a little indifferent, I consider Kevin Hart to be a funny comic.  More importantly, I like the way that he paints the picture for his audience and delivers the joke.  As he has gotten older, Kevin’s performances have more of that Bernie Mac storytelling vibe as he uses his family in most of his jokes.  So as I took in the show, I noticed several changes that were made.  As Kevin went from story to story, the scenes behind him changed.  As I walked to my car and talked with some of the people in attendance after the show, many felt the scene changes were unnecessary.  The opening backdrop of the city was plenty for me.  I’ve never noticed a set change so much and actually took away from the narrative in some parts of the show.  Now I know he wanted to be different and create a better viewing experience for everyone in attendance, but sometimes staying with the thing that you got you there is better.  Same goes for relationships. . . . . .

Same goes for relationships?  Yes.  We seek to change things when normal seems to be working just fine and it doesn’t merit a change.  Now I know what you are saying and I hear you.  Yes, we all evolve.  Yes, change is inevitable.  Right now, I’m talking about changes that don’t have to occur.  For example, why did Pepsi ever have to come out with a Crystal Pepsi? Why did Hardee’s come out with the Fried Bologna and Velveeta Biscuit? (Bologna . . . . really?) I hate to say this but I actually know people that have walked away from relationships because everything was going fine.  There was no cheating.  No physical or verbal abuse. No theft of joint funds. No criminal activity. No nothing.  Excuses like “he leaves the seat up too damn much so I’m leaving” and “she went natural and I can’t pull on her hair anymore during sex” are reasons given to leave.  This is what I refer to as an unnecessary change.

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As I drove back from the show, I thought about the unnecessary changes that I have made as it pertains to relationships.  And the obvious change that comes to mind is leaving someone who is doing everything they can to make you happy and you search for reasons to leave them.  Why is that?  Many clinicians in my field call this maladaptive thinking.  Some of us are negative about every damn thing! It doesn’t matter how much the other does, we will invent criticism due to our own warped views on reality.  The negative becomes the template for some us in which we will never be satisfied.  Never. And yes, I’ve been (past tense y’all) guilty. . . . so very guilty, of that very thought process.  As a matter of fact, I’ve dated several women who were good to me and I searched, no, made up reasons to leave them.  Whether I gave that “it’s not you, it’s me” or “I feel God is leading us in different directions” excuse, it’s still the same.  So what tends to happen is that we become insatiable and sooner or later, we will find a reason to leave the person we are with. Ouch. . . .

Maladaptive thinkers profess with their mouths that they want a relationship in which the other person works, doesn’t lie, or cheat.  So what happens when they get that?  They tend to label the girl or the guy as a “fuddy duddy” and want out.  Unnecessary change.  For me, the daily standard became monotonous and I composed mitigating circumstances to become single again.  Traits that were once so sexy and cute were now annoying and mundane.  I would normally exchange a woman who was faithful and encouraging for a woman who was a harlot and emotionally destructive.  And then when I got hurt at the end, I would blame the female instead of accepting fault.
In this season of my life, I’ve been blessed to have friends that have been married/living together for fifteen years or more.  I listen to both parties discuss their daily routine.  Although it is the same most days out of the week,  they are content.  They all have gone through some rather turbulent weather but they have weathered the storms.  I’ve seen several of these couples go through financial hardships, adultery, and drug abuse and they have made it through to the sunshine.  In times when the outsiders told them there should be a change, they didn’t change their spouse.  Instead, they changed their attitude and their effort toward their relationships.  They were not afraid of success in their relationships.  And today, neither am I.

In Love By Now . . . . . .

As I have said before, outside of the IRS, there is nothing that strikes fear into my heart more than the possibility of marrying the wrong woman . . . again.  As this video came across my timeline, I sat in utter amazement.  Now we all know this female has some issues that go waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy beyond anger management.  Trust!  However, I was in wonderment at the boyfriend.  This chick told Steve Harvey that her boyfriend was the one that was unhinged.  She reports, “I should be married right now, but my crazy ass boyfriend won’t marry me. . . . . He’s the one that is crazy”.  Now from every indication, buddy is not mentally deranged.  No sir.  However, he is insane because he had been with this female for more than one day!   The only thing that makes a guy stay with a crazy ass female is that toe curling, body convulsing, teeth chattering, awe inspiring sex (you know what they say about sex with crazy folk!).  From her stance, it seems that the two have been together for a while.  But why does she feel that her boyfriend should have married her by now?

For the sake of argument, let’s say that buddy has known his girlfriend for about . . . eh, a year.  He met his deranged girlfriend through the Plenty of Fish online dating site.  After about two weeks of instant messages, sharing pictures, and late night phone calls, both parties decide to meet for dinner and drinks.  They are both attracted to each other and keep their dinner conversation to surface questions (i.e. How was your day? Do you watch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta?).  They don’t want the night to end and she suggest that they watch a movie at his house.  He rents a movie from the nearest Redbox but they end up never watching the movie. He is hypnotized by her bedroom exploits and continues to see her daily despite her accusatory weekly outbursts.  Each weekend for the next eight months they continue to engage in food, movies, and candlelight circuses.  Girlfriend says that she wants to get married now because they have been going to the circus for close to a year and it’s time that buddy puts a ring on it.  Should he marry her without even knowing her middle name? I’ll wait . . . . . . .

I’ve had the honor of sitting on the sidelines to witness some of the world’s longest boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  I myself have taken part of a relationship that went on for about four years.  The question is often asked, why would a guy wait so long to let a woman know whether or not the relationship is going to lead to marriage?  Why string someone along for such a long time?  Don’t you know if something will work or not?  I don’t have the answers to those questions as every situation is different.  For me, I tend to roll slow when getting to know someone because it takes time to get past a person’s representative.

Time is a valuable commodity that often gets wasted.  For a great many of us, we don’t value the time we have until it’s no longer there making us time abusers.  This is why most females I know believe that they should be married after so many months or years of being with a person.  Before I got married, I agreed with the female population.  I would say that after a year, a man should know whether or not he is going to marry the woman who he is supposedly being monogamous with.  However, after being married, divorced, and single again, I think differently.  Marriage is more than just “I like you, you like me, let’s be together forever”.  Although our society treats marriage like a run at the car wash (i.e Britney Griner filing for an annulment after 28 days of being married), I choose to take my time to get to know the next lady inside and out.

Now you may regard my approach to dating as one of a person that doesn’t trust people.  You may be correct.  You may feel that I’m a little too cautious.  You may be right about that as well.  What I’ve come to realize is that I have to get through the political relationship bullshyt in order to see what I’m actually dealing with.  Most people are hiding their true selves until they reach a level of comfort with you.  They will tell you all the things you like to hear in order to keep your interest.  It could be pretending to like sports just to find out once you are married that they really couldn’t stand you and your fantasy sports league.  It could be saying and acting as if they are the fellatio queen while inside the thought sickens them. Or (my personal favorite) they pretend that they don’t have any issues only to find out that they are a psychopath being hunted by the U.S. Marshals.  So yes, it normally takes a year or so just to get past the representative. The fact that I date to marry creates this world where most females I date are scared to let me know who they really are.  And many of my male friends say the same.  So it’s not that we don’t want to marry, it’s that we don’t know WHO we are marrying. Unfortunately, it takes time to find that out . . . . . . .

Divorce Lessons

You remember that episode of Divorce Court? The whole episode was amusing and depressing at the same damn time.  There is something to be said about marrying the wrong person.  And Brother Lucas married the wrong person . . . . . again. Throughout all the stupidity that Ms. Lucas displays, I couldn’t get my mind off the fact that this was the second marriage that Brother Lucas subjected himself to.  Did you catch that line about his first wife scaring him?  Evidently, he didn’t learn any lessons from his first marriage because Ms. Lucas is probably just as delusional as the first wife!  Sadly our inability to learn from our mistakes leads us to make the same mistakes . . . . just with different people.

Going through a divorce is one of the most painful things anyone can experience. I’ve been single  now for over six years and I have yet to remarry.  Trust, it’s not because I don’t want to.  Far from it.  The losses that I have incurred have made me wiser and I don’t believe in making the same mistakes twice.  Getting divorced and going through separation from my children is painful and confusing.  But what I have gone through has taught me five valuable lessons . . . . . . .

 

Lesson One: Love Yourself First

I think Mary J. Blige said it best when she sang “How can I, love somebody else, if I can’t love myself enough know when it’s time, time to let go?”.  All Mary wanted to be was happy. Don’t we all?  Happiness in a relationship cannot exist if you don’t love yourself.  In my previous marriage, I didn’t love myself.  I placed my low self-esteem in the hands of a female who was happy to manipulate and command my every movement.  Like most men, I didn’t want to argue or bring discord to the home.  I just wanted to be able to pay down my student loans and watch PTI.   After a while working, going to church, and watching television wasn’t enough for me.  I was afraid to birth the talent and gifts I had inside of me because I didn’t want to trouble the waters.  I was tired of existing and wanted to live life.  I started to believe in myself and the dreams that I had.  I was evolving.  Unfortunately, this did not make my spouse happy and love didn’t live with us anymore.

 

Lesson Two: You Need A Sponsor

Marriage is an investment of one’s time, talent, and labor.  It can seem like it’s not yielding a profit most days and you have to continue investing.  There are days you want to withdraw and invest in other stock.  This is where you need a sponsor.  And I wish I had a sponsor, counselor, or support team that was there to help me when my marriage was going through its storms.  Ladies, you are constantly telling your business to other females.  However for guys, we tend to keep certain things on the hush.  Kinda like when you ask someone about the political affiliation?  Yes, we are like that when it comes to our serious relationships.  We don’t necessarily want to disclose issues of the heart to our boys.  I know I didn’t.  However, I needed a support group.  Scratch that.  I needed a male support group.  Every relationship is going to experience highs and lows.  It’s how you deal with the lows that determines whether or not you will stand and grow.  I didn’t handle my lows very well.  I dealt with them privately and then I began to tell other women about my issues at home . . . which was a BIG mistake.  I had one guy friend that I would retreat to whenever I felt I was going to go off the deep end but by the time I looked for assistance, I was already too far gone. There is something to be said about having guys who are married who have been in the trenches for a long time to impart wisdom to you.  I wish I would have gotten that knowledge before hand.  Now I know better.

 

Lesson Three: Accept Your Failure

Ouch.  Most people don’t believe that they are at fault when their marriage comes to an end.  When I talk to females about their previously relationships, most (and by most I mean all) say that it was the guys fault.  Always.  When I ask the female what she did to add to the destruction of the relationship, she says “nothing”. Let me say this very clearly: It takes two for a relationship to go bad.  Two, not one.  I can talk about what my exes didn’t do in my previous relationships all day but true maturity is exhibited when you can say what you did wrong in the relationship. I remember that prior to the divorce papers being signed that I apologized to my ex-wife for the failure of our marriage.  She was upfront in the person that she was and I thought that she would change when we got married. Good sex does not equal good communication.  That right there should be an honorable mention . . . . . . .

 

Lesson Four:  Communication, Communication, Communication

Sounds elementary doesn’t it?  Funny thing is communicating effectively is one of the most difficult things to do in a relationship because people are so busy trying to win your vote for spouse.  Something will have to sustain you once those perky breasts start to sag and you can’t make your little man jump on command anymore.  Mental stimulation is a need.  The ability to convey one’s heart in a non-threatening environment is the key to a healthy relationship. Don’t get married if you don’t feel safe sharing your thoughts.

Lesson Five: It’s Not About You, It’s the Ring . . . .

Now, I’ve talked about being taken before.  And the reason why I talked about the situation is because this is what I lived.  I have never, and I mean never, had so many women wanting to compromise my integrity until I was married.  Now check it.  I was the humble, quiet, round guy in school so I didn’t have a lot of females coming my way.  In college, I discovered confidence and a healthier lifestyle and began to have some women on the payroll.  When I said I do and the ring united with my finger, I got hit on frequently.  I was approached by women so often that I started to believe that I was the shyt.  Divorce didn’t bother me initially because I had my choice of women to choose from afterwards.  Don’t you know when the divorce was finalized, my phone stopped ringing?  There were no more hotel getaways.  No late night creeping.  Nothing.  It was then I understood that it was all about the committed relationship I was in. And if I had a sponsor, I could have avoided this lesson.


“In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come”

It All Comes Down To the Money

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“For I don’t care too much for money, for money can’t buy me love”

Why is it that people who say that they don’t care too much for money already have it?  As I continue this voyage called dating, one thing is very clear to me; money matters.  And as much as everyone attempts to deny that it doesn’t, it does.  The denial is rather comical to me.  In some shape or form, every online dating site asks for your occupation.  Occupation is really another way of saying “How much money you got?”  Also in any first date setting, questions about your current job/career are normally the first or second question that is asked.  Yet, when I ask females does money matter in obtaining a date, many say no.  I beg to differ.

Ladies, regardless of what you trick yourselves into believing, guys understand that money matters to you.  Because of this fact, guys act accordingly and will go to great lengths just to be noticed.  Please don’t get it twisted.  No matter what the media says in regards to the unequal ratio of males to females, a guy fights for a woman’s attention daily.  Whether it’s in the car he drives, the cologne he puts on, or the shoes he wears, a guy wants to be noticed. The more expensive the car, the more extravagant the cologne, the more lavish the shoes, the more a guy is noticed.  Fellas know that if they do not make a certain income, they have to fight twice as hard for a woman’s employment.

Let’s take Todd and Kareem for example. Todd is 26,  very easy on the eyes with a chiseled physique, but wears fairly old shirts and shoes while he is saving his money.  Todd just received his bachelor’s degree but is unable to find work.  He is currently working at a telemarketing firm and a fast food joint until he can find something to do with his degree.  He drives a ‘97 Nissan Altima that needs a new paint job and is missing all the hubcaps.  Then you have Kareem who is also 26 with a fairly average physique but wears the latest clothing and colognes.  He works for a major pharmaceutical company and drives a ‘14 BMW with twenty inch rims.  Both of these guys come up to you at a gas station and offer to pump your gas.  After pumping your gas, both ask for your number.  Ladies, which one do you give your number to?  Which one do you say thanks and send on their way?  I’ll wait . . . . . .

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Since guys know that money matters, some will go through deceitful methods to get the finest prey.  There was a situation in one of my Facebook groups where this pretender decided to up the game by conjuring these elaborate tales of where he traveled, who he met, yadda yadda yadda.  He would post pictures of these expensive, foreign cars and ask the ladies which one should he drive that day.  Buddy would even post pictures of a pool where he said he had just finished his morning swim. Now me and the other guys of the group were suspect of the pretender from day one because he never revealed his face and he refused to use his real name.  I actually remember questioning a female friend of mine in the group about him because she was “going in” head first for a guy she didn’t know and had never seen!  All she knew were the extravagant items that came up on her timeline.  And she wasn’t the only one.  Oh no no no! Whenever the pretender would make a comment, at least ten females would want to interact with him.  They would flirt with him and send countless pictures to his inbox.  So when the truth finally came out that ladies of the group were being catfished, all them blasted him out calling him everything but a child of God (most words were expletives).

Now you know why Chris Brown penned the song “Loyal”.  Guys know what’s at stake in most cases.  We are trying to get noticed, just like you are ladies.  We can call it being ourselves if we want but most of us are sending representatives to do whatever it takes to swing your vote our way . . . . and vice versa.  That’s the game we play at the onset.  It’s when we finally let our guard down that we can get to know the candidate for who he/she is.  Unfortunately, we don’t tend to find that person out until after the vows . . . . . .

Balance

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Since last Wednesday’s blog, I’ve taken part of several interesting online debates regarding mental stimulation and the whole “make it easy to take it easy” concept.  Yes, I still find intelligent and confident women sexy but there is a little more to the sauce than that.  In order to make it easy, there has to be intellectual stimuli and balance.  Yes, balance, because one can’t assume that a mentally stimulating person knows how to balance his or her life.  When I think of the word balance, I imagine a gymnast and the amount of skill he or she has to possess to steady themselves.  Whether it is on a beam, still rings, vault, or floor exercise, the movements require harmony between body and mind.

When I started yoga early last year, I struggled mightily trying to balance myself in various poses.  (I won’t get into the struggle it was just to go into the class . . . . ) The issue was not getting into the pose, but the struggle was maintaining the pose.  I remember my mat being soaked with sweat after the first twenty minutes of the class.  Nothing teaches humility like trying to stand on your right leg with your left foot flatly pressed against your right thigh!  And what followed on that first attempt is what normally happens when we are not used to balancing ourselves; we stumble.  Now I’m too cool to fall but I made it a point after the initial class to be able to steady myself to complete all the movements.  Of course I was afraid of failure and then being the only guy in class most times is enough to deter anyone.  However, the more I tried, the more I was able to complete most of the movements without stumbling.  The first couple of times I needed blocks and additional mats to complete the movements.  Close to the end of the year,  I was able to do them all on my own.

balancing on leg

Now in order to be in a healthy relationship, one has to step into the yoga room of life and be able to balance.  Creating harmony between life and love is always a challenge which requires constant work.  Prior to taking that yoga class, I really had difficulty trying to find balance in my life.  To be honest, I was kind of shitty at it.  Everything centered around work.  After I graduated college, I found myself working two jobs to make ends meet.  No time for love.  When I finally slowed down to get married and have kids, I still worked two jobs.  No real time to devote to my family outside of checking homework and saying prayers before bed.  Even when I was in high school, I nearly flunked out because I couldn’t handle being in love and getting an education!  Important things like homework and routine classwork took a back seat to big booty daydreams and staying on the phone until I fell asleep. . . . . . .

Since I found yoga, I’ve found it hard to date females who refuse to balance themselves.  Notice that I said refuse.  When a person doesn’t know how to balance, they end up having too much weight on one side.  And we all have encountered those people.  The super super religious folk that can’t go anywhere outside of church?  You know those super super complainers who will criticize and lament about the same issues for years despite how much advice you have given them on those same issues? Yeah, those people.  It is my belief that these individuals don’t believe in having a purpose.  And it’s not that I am so career driven that I make this statement but I have had a hard time trying to get out my dreams in relationships with females that don’t know their purpose.  Why you ask?  Because I then become the purpose.  Now, I do like my ego stroked.  Granted.  What guy doesn’t?  However, things become a problem when that female starts to cut off her friends and family and makes you the primary focus.  That then triggers you to have to spend every moment outside of work with her only because now she has no friends and she has no purpose outside of paying her bills.  So trying to go to the Falcons game with the fellas becomes a chore because all she has is you. That for me is a problem.

As I hold on to this meteor which seems to be crashing into my forties, it seems that I’ve finally got a handle on the balance thing.  Even as my workload increases, my dreams begin to take shape, and my personal life actually becomes alive again, I’m keeping the important things first.  Now if I can just find my Beyonce . . . . . . .