In Case of Emergency…

 

emergency contact

I’m going to get straight to the point. I was on Facebook earlier today ( I’m usually on here 90% of my day- just kidding. Or am I?), and saw a hilarious meme that my cousin posted on her page. The comedian Mo’Nique was at the center, and several curse words surrounded her with a message for the women out there regarding sexual relations ( Google it- it’s pretty funny). Although my cousin’s message said it a bit differently, I thought this was great advice for my ladies out there: It’s probably not a good idea to be intimate with someone you can’t call in case of an emergency. 

I’m not sure wiser words were ever spoken. Although the sentiment comes straight from the desk of Captain Obvious, it is a topic that is debated on a daily basis with women ( and men) all over the world. We talk about it with our best friends. We debate whether to do the deed or not with the Peanut Gallery ( aka our BFFs). Some people Google the topic on the internet in order to read about other people’s experiences. We may even ask the Magic 8 Ball ( should I or shouldn’t I?).

There are moral implications on whether to do it or not. One’s decision can be religious-based. Mostly, it will be from your own experiences. In the end, you are going to make your own decisions on whether to do the deed or not. But the aforementioned advice is geared toward an extremely specific group of people. We can go ahead and take out people who are married or engaged ( you better be able to call your husband or fiancée’ in case of emergency!). I’m talking to the single people out there who have yet to either put a ring on it or have someone propose putting a ring on them. In today’s world of infidelity, sneakiness, social media, YOLO behavior, and no shame, it has become more difficult and downright scary to casually date and consider getting between the sheets with just anyone. Not that anyone should do that in the first place, but if anyone out there is still considering casually, um, DOING someone, think about this- if you can’t put them down with confidence as your emergency contact, don’t do it.

Think about it. Why would you want to be intimate with someone you can’t trust to come pick you up after Lasik surgery? The person who the nurse needs to call after you tried to make a four-course meal you CLEARLY have no business making, and now you wound up in the emergency room? If they can’t help you, why would you trust them to hump you? ( Sidenote: I know that was a terrible joke, but I just couldn’t help myself). There are too many people out there involving themselves with people who don’t deserve their time, and definitely not the right to listen to their homemade “Slow Jamz 4″  sexy-time mix. We need to get past being okay being with someone who will answer a “make me feel good text” in the middle of the night, but has no idea of your personal emergency escape route in case things gets real. It is an absolute privilege to share yourself with another person, and you should govern yourself accordingly. Otherwise, you’re just a plain ‘ol hot mess.

In addition to being a confident emergency contact , there are also a few other criteria I feel the entire single world should adopt when determining whether or not someone is worthy of getting in between your sheets, amongst other things:

  • If they personally don’t know another emergency contact of yours, don’t do it (and vice versa).
  • If you don’t know their last name, you might want to keep it closed.
  • If you wouldn’t trust them to be your Spades partner, just leave them alone.
  • If they don’t know your alma mater ( or haven’t cared enough to ask), please block their number.
  • If you wouldn’t trust them to come pick you up off the side of the road in case you get a flat tire, I hope you forget their name.
  • If you wouldn’t trust them to be your DD ( designated driver), don’t pick up the phone.
  • If you don’t talk to them on a regular basis ( every two weeks DOES NOT count), they are not a good choice. And I’m not talking about texting, I’m talking about picking up the damn phone and having a real live conversation.
  • If you would be hesitant to introduce them to your family ( and not because your family is crazy), you need to meet someone else.
  • If they don’t know what you’re allergic to, you shouldn’t be intimate with him/her. Seriously, someone that is getting THAT CLOSE to you should know you can’t eat strawberries.
  • If you truly do not care about them, don’t allow them to get that close to you ( now this is straight from the desk of Captain Obvious).

See? Hot Mess Life does care about you…

 

The Nanny From Hell aka Gangstaliscious.

Imagine you place an ad on craigslist. You’re looking for someone to be a long-term, live-in nanny to help with cooking and tending to your children. Someone replies to the ad. After doing a thorough background check, you decide to hire said person. Let’s say after only a month of working, the nanny decides to stop working. Not only does she stop working, she stages a protest by staying in her room due to health concerns. As if that weren’t enough, she demands that you bring her food and provide her with air conditioning. Sounds like your uncle that’s never around because he’s always locked up. The one you have to make excuses for, saying things like “he’s out of town”, knowing this is how he acts during his brief visits on the outs.

You are about to witness the strength, of street knowledge.

You are about to witness the strength, of street knowledge.

Well, this is what happened to the Bracamonte family of Upland, CA, when they hired Mrs. Doubtfire in drag look-alike Diane Stretton… aka “S.O.R.E” (Stretton On The Run Eating), aka “Super Thug” to be a live in nanny for their three children.

According to the wife, Marcella Bracamonte, everything was all good just a week ago. A month ago, to be exact. But soon after, she started showing her ass… <del datetime="2014-07-10T21:05:17+00:00" yelling f#ck your couch stopped working and decided to stay in her room. I wonder if in a previous lifetime her name was “Pookie” or “Ray Ray”?

So basically, she Deeboed the Bracamonte house.

Yes that’s right, this sweet and innocent looking woman is basically the Goldmouth to the Bracamonte’s Rayford Gibson. Asking, “You gon’ eat yo’ cornbread? Except without asking. Shit, with her shiftless attitude and shiftless work ethic, she is a walking “Niggas Be Like” meme.

And in true nigga fashion, she quit before she could be fired. The Bracamonte’s claimed they fired her on June 4th, while Stretton claims that she quit on June 6th, giving notice that she would be out no later than 7/6/2014. But her resignation would only happen if the media would leave her alone. Are you getting this? “The media needs to be completely gone. If the media stays away, I will be out by the 4th of July. But that depends on the circus not continuing.” So this geriatric babysitter gave a month notice (forget a two week notice) while living with free room and board.

I don’t know about you, but in the words of Cedric The Entertainer, “I wish a mothaf#cka that works for me, would” tell me what they won’t do… mooching off my free porn wifi and air condition while setting her time table for when she’ll leave my house.

While her employment status is no longer in debate, when she will leave the house is still debatable. The Bracmonte’s can’t legally force her out without a proper eviction notice. After the eviction notice is obtained, she would still have 30 days to vacate. Knowing this, Stretton threatened to sue them if they tried to remove her from the house. Along with her threat, she made a list of demands…

She wants the family to provide her with an air conditioned room, WiFi and a stocked bathroom.
She has also demanded that the family vacate the home all day and provide her with healthy meals – or $200 to eat out. She called Mrs. Bracamonte a Drama Queen during an interview. The irony…

As of the beginning of this week, Diane is still thugging in love in the Bracamonte’s home. The Bracamontes tell the media that they have not spoken to her in weeks, but she still lives in the house
There, aint no way in hell someone is going to be living in my house scott free, making demands of me.

I think Diane can teach these young thugs a thing or two about “hitting a lick”.

All in all, it seems that no matter the age, it’s still good to be white and privileged in America. I bet if she was black she would have been shot, with it made to look like an accident…

Breazy.

It’s Going Down, I’m Yelling Tinder!

tinder

Men: Remember when you actually had to muster up the courage to approach a woman at a bar or party, and give her your best introduction? You had to make sure that you looked your best, your breath was at its freshest, and you were equipped with your nicest smile? Ladies: Do you recall a time where you ventured out to a friend’s soiree, with excitement and anticipation that you might meet someone? A guy who’s charming,sweet, with the cutest dimples? a time where you put on your fanciest party dress ( not showing too much skin, but one that accentuated your womanly figure), and look forward to flirting with several men? Well, those days are over. You’re all now reduced to a Smartphone version of “Hot or Not”, which is a clear signal that romance is dying a slow death right before our eyes.

There’s a phone application lurking out there called Tinder, and if you are not familiar with it, it involves an individual perusing through photographs of potential “suitors”, and deciding to either give them a stamp of approval, or give them a big ‘ol “hell no!”, all within a matter of milliseconds. You can literally swipe left or right on your screen, and click on people who you might be interested in. Imagine that, being able to pluck out matches simply by looking at filtered photographs and not having to waste time reviewing a person’s dating profile. Who wants to read, anyway? I’m pretty sure Tinder is the love child of ADHD and it’s predecessor Grindr- a similar app geared toward the gay, bi, and curious community. A friend showed me how the app worked once at a football tailgate and we were 525 feet from his next potential date- the app literally shows you how many feet someone else looking for the same thing is away from you! I thought it was fascinating- frightening, but still fascinating. They work so fast, they don’t even have time for the letter “e” in the name of the application!

While Tinder has the look and feel of a hook-up site, there are many out there who believe that they can find “The One” while checking the “Yes” box on this app. Being the awesome pessimist I have become right now in my current dating life (I’m raking them in with that sentiment), I’m not so sure about this. Therefore, I never signed up for this site- I refused to waste my time. However, I became a bit more intrigued while having a night on the town last night with my friends while enjoying Miami neighborhood Wynwood’s monthly Art Walk. We were all at a bar, and a friend was showing the group her Tinder account, and we all became a sort of flash mob and collectively assisted her in picking out several future dates. She is an eternal spot of sunshine, and always has a positive outlook on things, so I’m happy that she feels a good guy can be found on this site. I hope she does find him so I can talk about him behind his back, all in the name of friendship ( that’s what ladies do, fellas). But for me, I don’t have much hope. If that wasn’t enough, I was approached by a lovely lady who recognized me from college, and after a while, I discovered she was on a date from the illustrious Tinder- and it was a second one at that! After I crashed her date and we all became BFFs, I concluded that they were getting along great, and had the potential to be a good match. But I believe they are definitely the exception, and not the rule.

I feel that this application speaks volumes as to the state of the dating world today, romance, and the never-ending search for love that so many of us seek. First of all, it’s on your phone. Granted, it’s not on your phone if your’e 55+ and you have one of those Jitterbugs issued to you by AARP, but I’m speaking to a younger crowd (I still consider myself a young buck). Seriously, how in the world did we end up in place where it is the norm to just look at pictures of people and think we could find our soulmate? I’m assuming a lot of people are not looking for soulmates, but forever romantics will always put themselves out there, eternally hoping to meet their significant other. How do we hope to accomplish this in a social media society that swipes across your face, to the left, to the left, in hopes of uncovering some  god/goddess doing their best duck impression in the most sophisticated bathroom they can find?

When did the mystery disappear? It’s fallen by the wayside along with chivalry, talking on the phone for 6 hours with your boyfriend on a pay phone with just one quarter, manners, discretion, meeting the parents on the first date because you had to ask for permission to go out with someone, making people wait, and a world free from the concept of “hooking up”. Honestly, I find it quite frightening that the state of love is up in the air, dancing between the past of true romance and the future of casual hot mess. This could all be stemming from my sad little heart, so perhaps my cynicism is over looking the potential happiness people can find in today’s age of quickly making up your mind (and I mean QUICK) on who you are willing to date. You’re speaking to a woman who has deleted all of her online profiles, ended all of her “situationships”, and is bitterly working on her cougar persona in 5 years. I’m hurting ya’ll.

But can you blame me? What do you think of the state of romance and love these days, where instant gratification and putting your best profile picture forward rule the love world? Is it just a sign of the times? Do you think that you can find Computer Love? Or are we trying to find love in a hopeless place?

 

Check out my place at www.hotmesslife.wordpress.com, where I will eventually post my adventures from Tinder ( yea, I’m going to join- RELUCTANTLY).

Should Natural hair Be Exclusive to Black Women Only?

Being a blogger, I like to think of myself as well read, at least when it comes to other blogs. I try to not limit myself to similar content blogs that I would post. Rather than opting to stay inside my little box, I’ll read blogs ranging from science, to hip hop and even on natural hair. So recently, I felt I had to add my two pieces when I came across a bit of back and forth between Jamilah Lemieux and Nikki Walton, the owner and writer of http://www.curlynikki.com.Waterlily716-350x420-7

Nikki Walton interviewed a white woman named Sarah about her “natural hair journey.” After having read both Nikki’s interview and Jamilah’s rebuttal, I was left with a sense of division and I don’t mean along color lines, but within our own community. From my perspective, I don’t feel that Curly Nikki, was in any shape, fashion or form trying to equate white women’s hair struggles with that of black women’s, nor was she going out of her way to include Sarah into the natural hair family. Simply put, she was interviewing a woman, regardless of race, about going natural and embracing her hair

Of course, not everybody saw it that way, with some such as Jamilah taking offense to Sarah’s interview and adopting an exclusive mindset where, natural hair is and should be reserved for black women.

While I don’t have a dog in the fight for should the natural hair club be exclusive to black women only fight, or inclusive to other races, I will say that I was surprised at the level of emotion displayed by Jamilah. I can understand her desire to keep something that we created, “ours,” but that would mean that black women are the only ones who wear their hair natural. Now, what I don’t understand is the need to “call someone to the carper,” especially about how someone chooses to run his/her blog. Not wanting to acknowledge another race’s natural hair is one thing, but I don’t see the need to judge or criticize those who think differently than you.

I am a man who doesn’t have the same concerns when it comes to my hair as my natural or processed sistas. I guess this is why I have never given a second thought as to whether other races should be included in the natural hair discussion .

I will say that being ignorant to the argument allows me to step back and be indifferent. Honestly, I don’t see what is the problem, and I am sure that black women aren’t the only women who wear their hair natural. Now I understand what’s natural when it comes to other race’s hair may not be what we consider natural. But does that negate the fact that women of other races still choose to stray from the straight, processed look, while opting for the natural?

What do you think? Do you think that white women and other races should be excluded in the #teamnatural camp? If so, then why? If you disagree, why is that?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy Dean

Things I Don’t Like In a Relationship.

Relationship pet peeves. We all have them, you know those things that your significant other does that makes you want to dive face first into an empty Olympic-sized pool? Yeah, those things. The things that you have to accept with the rest of them, even though you would probably consider farting in their Cheerios, if they did it one more time.

Do I have your attention?  I see someone got their income tax money.

Do I have your attention? I see someone got their income tax money.

Truth is, there’s just no shaking them, and they come with the territory.  So, if you’re going to be with “Danger,” then you’re going to have to accept that big ass face tattoo and the fact that she probably smashed the homie. Consequently, this may beg the question, “why would I want to be with someone who constantly has a look of bewilderment on her face?” As in… the lights are on, but no one’s at home.  Oh yeah, and tried to get with Brandy’s little brother? Me no know. “What you talkin’ bout Willis?” And if you’re a woman, then you’d probably wish your man would fall down an open elevator shaft, if he scratches his balls at the dinner table one more time.

So any-who, I’ve been gone for a minute and now I’m back with the jump off.  Relationship pet peeves can be a nail in the coffin if not discussed. You know since sharing is caring and shit or just can be one of those cute things that he/she does that makes you want to smother them in their sleep, but you accept it. Only you can be the judge.

Since I’m a helpful person and yeah I love them strippers (U.E.N.O), I figured I would share with you a couple of my pet peeves to let you know that like Michael Jackson, you are not alone. So just kick off your shoes and relax your feet… just kicking, just kicking…as I share Breazy’s list of things, that if I didn’t love you, then I’d give you a wedgie and erase from the DVR, all your Real Housewives of Atlanta episodes.

1. Asking for my some of my food after saying no when I asked you.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that every man hates this. It’s not that we don’t want to share, we do, which is why we asked you. But since you said “no,” we figure life’s a beach and we can enjoy our food in peace too.  Now, after a couple of bites in, and you ask us if you can have some…well, that makes us madder than R. Kelly at a Spelling Bee, you remind me of my Jeep.

2. Saying you don’t care what or where we eat, but shoot down every suggestion that we make.

Food is a big deal in a relationship, since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We take eating seriously, almost religious like. When you leave us the decision to choose where or what to eat, then we are going to do just that. But turning down every suggestion we make, well that’s a capital offense. On top of that, saying what you don’t want to do when it’s our decision, while prolonging our eating is the equivalent of Karlie Redd having a career; it’s cruel and unusual punishment and selfish.

3. Saying you’ll be ready in 5 minutes, knowing damn well it’s going to be an hour.

This is the second biggest lie ever told, right after the devil doesn’t exist but before size doesn’t matter. The thing about it is, it’s not entirely your fault. We know 5 minutes really isn’t 5 minutes, yet we still hold out that hope that it would actually happen; kind of like wishing Bow Wow and his using- the -company’s- credit -card- to -pay- child -support -ass would just crawl up in a ball and die. I don’t know if there is a beef we don’t know about, or you really are against being ready on time. Whatever the case may be, I’ll just sit and watch Twerk videos to calm my inner Dexter (damn I hate that show went off).

4. Talking to us when the game is in the 4th quarter.

Yes we like your company and yes you are important, but how hard is it to just let us be for the last 12 – 15 minutes of a game? Allowing us to enjoy something that we like shouldn’t be an act of congress. Better yet, if you know we like sports, then why make us choose between ignoring you like Trinidad James ignores dentists, and catching the end of the game? Trust me, it will not end in your favor.

These are just a few examples of things that peeve me about relationships. What are some of yours?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy the slew footed Pimp.

2014 BET Awards: A Hot Mess Life Commentary

award face

( this is my face when they announce winners of awards like “Best Group”)

*Keep in mind, this is my own personal commentary, which includes my personal opinion. But truth be told, it’s probably the right one.

I used to tune in to awards shows with feverish anticipation, as I couldn’t wait to see what my favorite artist was going to do. What will Janet Jackson do next? What will the stars being wearing? New artists like Jill Scott and Adele were introduced, and I often looked forward to the next year’s festivities.

Now? I’m sad to say that if I watch them, it’s to laugh. Or fall asleep. Everyone seems to do the same thing, with a few cool performances here and there. I don’t take the categories seriously anymore, it’s more like a popularity contest instead of who actually puts out the best music. The BET Awards are not immune. So this year, I decided to take another approach to ingesting these awards shows. I am going to do a running commentary of the 2014 installment tonight, as well as a gradual count of how may times the phrase “turn up” is used. I hate the saying, but I have the over/under at about 46. Here we go:

00:01:54- Pharell opens up the show… as he should. He’s actually won a Grammy. Glad he gets to do the Motorcyle song. He also attempts to take his cardigan off, not sure if it’s a sexy gesture or not, but I liken it to your uncle is trying to take of his own sweater… oh shit!  MISSY ELLIOTT! I’m sorry, I can’t concentrate right now because a real artist is on the stage. With another real artist. Who would’ve thunk it?

00:03:52- MISSY IS ON STAGE!!!! CAN NIKKI MINAJ PLEASE GO AWAY NOW???? PLEASE GET RID OF ALL THESE WACK ASS FEMALE RAPPERS! I feel like Nikki would not have been given a verse on “Ladies Night”… damn, I miss Foxy Brown.

00:37:39- Lupita Nyongo wins Best Actress, as she should. But I was afraid she was going to lose to Kerry Washington, as the Scandal crowd is the main audience for the BET Awards. Don’t get me wrong, I love Scandal and Ms. Kerry baby, but looking like you could cry at any moment does not win over 12 Years a Slave.

00:06:00- As the introductions are being made, they’re screaming for people like Tyga, Trey Songs, Usher, Minaj, and some guy named August. This night could dwindle quickly…

00:11:08- Chris Rock is the host- I was surprised to see him host the BET Awards. Um, he just shut down it down with this Donald Sterling joke. I’ll let you watch it yourself- no spoilers…

00:15:55- First sighting of the Hot Mugshot Guy. I hope it’s the last.

00:17:33- August Alsina wins Best New Artist. The category is rounded out with Schoolboy Q, Mack someone, and an ASAP individual. I have no idea who he is. Let me look up his song. Is he really a new artist if I don’t know who he is? Does this show my age? Or my intolerance for crappy music?

00:25:12- Lil Wayne is performing. All I heard was 27 bleeps.

00:31:14- Tamela Mann wins Best Gospel Artist. I am for certain  this will be the only classy moment during tonight’s events.

00:32:00- They mention that Lionel Richie will be receiving a Lifetime achievement Award. This gets me thinking about the Essence festival I will be attending this weekend. I wonder how many of these people I will run into at the $33,000 VIP Day Parties I have been summoned to attend ( I have no choice anymore- I gave them my credit card).

00:39:13- Classy Moment#2 is happening, as John Legend takes the stage. He can do no wrong… unlike Lil Wayne, he doesn’t need flashlights, a smoke machine, and a censor.

00:41:32- Classy Moment #2 is ruined by the coming of Jhene Aiko coming onto the stage. I’m sorry she can’t sing. I don’t get it. If you have to bleep out words in your love song, it’s not really romantic. There’s only one classy lady in the game who can be a thug, and that’s Mary J. But John is playing in the background and lending some vocals. I’ll let this one pass…

00:50:24- Drake wins best Male Hip Hop artist. Over Jigga and Kendrick Lamar. I want to turn off this award show right now. Do the BET Awards hand out these trophies by way of fan votes? A drunk music board? I mean, Drake is okay, but I don’t think he deserves to rap Kendrick of Jay’s leftover rhymes. But that’s my opinion…

00:52:44- Here comes Chris Brown. I am disturbed, yet entertained  by this. He has the R. Kelly syndrome- someone who has done some extremely horrible crap, but yet we keep letting them perform on the awards show, because damn it, that boy can sing and dance!

00:55:33- Ok, Travis Barker just showed up on stage, killing the drums. I like.

01:04:02- Common ( what a gorgeous soul) introduces a new comer to the stage by the name of Gabi Wilson. She plays several instruments, has a beautiful voice, and is only 17. She does a nice up-tempo cover of “In Between the Sheets”. Can she take August Alsina’s place for the Best New Artist? Can I see her on stage with Mr. Legend?

01:05:03- A whole hour in, and I am just hearing my first “turn up”. I am disappointed in my people- I expected more from you. I hope you make it up in these next three hours.

01:09:45- Usher never ages. He also never changes his set list. It’s always a montage of all his songs, and then 30 more seconds of his latest single. He also never ages, but since he looks like my first boyfriend, I am now reminded of that heartache. I want to cry now. Oh, and dance.

01:20:00- Pharell wins Video of The Year. He wins over “Partition”, Drunk In Love”, and “Fine China”. Glad that happiness reigns over getting skeeted on and rolling around on the beach inebriated ( both which I love- because I wish I could do what ‘Yonce does on a chair- she is baaaaad). There’s an odd portion of Pharell’s acceptance speech in which he congratulates BET for giving Lil Wayne an outlet to express himself. Not sure how I feel about this…

01:29:27- Jennifer Hudson hits the stage- the opening is a bit scary as she opens up lip syncing a bit, with over production and fast talking  (i.e. what happened to Mariah Carey after she did “Honey”). But she finally starts singing with that beautiful voice of hers, and all is right with the world.

01:35:21- Pharell wins best R&B/Pop Artist- finally an opportunity for him to redeem his Lil Wayne comment. He does so by commending the talent of all his fellow nominees, except for August Alsina.

01:42:25- Nikki Minaj is on the stage, “performing”. I take this opportunity to think about all the outfits I plan on wearing this weekend in New Orleans. I wonder what nail polish I should go with? Perhaps a color that goes with everything- a pale pink? Then I wonder where Missy is right now and ponder what she thinks about Nikki Minaj. I say another silent prayer for Missy to get back in the game and shut this mess down. I then forget that I’m a few minutes back on the DVR, so I excitedly press fast forward- DAMNIT, I already caught up and Nikki is still on the screen. Time for a bathroom break…

01:57:19- August Alsina finally hits the stage: a perfect opportunity to see just who he is…

02:03:11- I’m still not sure who he is, since I really thought he was Chris Brown this whole time after listening to this song.

2:04:09-Trey Songz is one fine man, but as I watch this performance, I’m satisfied with my decision to not go to his concert at the Essence Festival. However, I will be okay with waiting in the lobby of his hotel for him to come down the elevator.

02:16:57- The Lionel Richie tribute begins. Jon Legend is doing “Hello”. I’m tingling a bit. Why is he not performing at the Essence Music Festival?!?!

02:20:51- I have no idea who is singing “Brickhouse”. Is that bad? Not sure, but I know the camera cutting to the audience every 5 seconds is not good for this artist. Plus, Lionel looks bored…

02:24:00- Yolanda Adams is killing this gospel song, but is this a Lionel Richie song? Am I a heathen for not knowing?

02:35:14- Lionel hits the stage, and immediately takes it back to the old school. “Dancing in The Street” and “Easy Like Sunday Morning” float throughout the arena, but it seems like Mr. Richie is barely singing. But does he really need to, since he’s made more money than Dr. Dre’s cut from the Beats sale?

02:48:36- T.I. comes out with his prodigy, Iggy Azalea. Now, I actually like her. However, she is not helping her case by lip syncing. But this is a baaaaad song.

whaaaat

(He’s thinking “these fools won for what?”)

02:53:29- I couldn’t pass on putting one screen shot from the awards on this post. Chadwick Boseman of “42″ fame clearly is devastated that YMCMB won “Best Group”. Unsure of best group of what exactly they are, I am just as confused. The group embarrassed themselves when they hit the stage, and broke a microphone.

03:04:09- TROOP REUNION PERFORMANCE?!?!?!  No words… they get nothing but respect and uncomfortable tingling from me for the next 3 minutes…

03:06:04- COLOR ME BAD? Oh, I see they trying to give 30-year-old women heart attacks up in here… Although I am pretty sure that’s not the lead singer of the group. Did they think we would mix up our white R&B boys?  Oh, we know who ALL of them are! That falsetto ain’t tricking me!

03:07:11- Ok, SILK?  Really? I swear if they sing “Lose Control”, I might have to send some inappropriate text messages to people…

03:25:45- Classy Moment #3- awesome tribute to Ruby Dee and Maya Angelou. No hot mess with that. It’s just sad that they did so much so people like 2Chainz could get on stage and make money.

03:32:00- Robin Thicke is on stage, pleading for Paula Patton to take him back. He’s starting to get that older and hot, Brad Pitt thing going on. If she won’t take him back, I will. That boy good…

03:35:00-Just realized that this award show is going to be 4.5 hours long. They are about to announce the winner of Best Female Hip Hop Artist and I already know the awful winner. I would’ve taken a brushed off Charli Baltimore before her. I’m taking another bathroom break… Oh wait, I’m sorry- Nikki Minaj just said she has won this award 5 years in a row. I’m pretty sure it’s because Remy Ma ain’t outta jail yet.

03:45:17- Beyonce and Jay-Z close the show. From Miami. I need to learn that chair dance.

 

-KEEP IT A HOT MESS

 

Check out more of my world at www.hotmesslife.wordpress.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve Seen The Light, Scandal Is for Real.

For those of you that know me personally, you know my feelings about Scandal. I use to be one of those that thought Scandal was all about Olivia Pope being the President’s jump off. I would argue til the cows came home, about how the only roles that African American actress can get in Hollywood is being someone’s “mammy” or jumpMV5BMTUwMTQyMTIwMV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjI1MzU2Nw@@._V1_SY317_CR12,0,214,317_AL_ off.

Oh, I used to get on my high horse and proclaim how shows like Scandal and Being Mary Jane were of the devil, and how those that watched it faithfully were championing home wreckers. Oh yes, I was one of those dudes that hated on a show that I thought was geared towards women only, and would turn my nose up at the dudes that actually liked this shit.

But lo and behold it actually turned out that I was just a misguided individual. Even though it took a while for me to get over my stubbornness, I recently decided to have a “Scandal” marathon. And I can say that I was thoroughly surprised by all the plot twists, cliff hangers and the fact that it’s not just a “chick” show.

While I am not a gladiator, I can say that the show is very entertaining, which I know is know is no surprise to those that followed the show from the beginning. But you see for those (particularly men) like me, that are late to the party, Scandal at first glance represents the status quo, where the only way an African American actress can get work in Hollyweird is being someone’s side piece.

But again I was wrong, while the show does showcase Olivia’s and Fitz’s complex relationship, it does show the ins and outs of DC politics, along with the inner workings on how things really get done, in a town where everybody says a whole lot of nothing in hopes of getting over.

Again I am not a gladiator in a suit, but I can say that I have seen the light, and while I may or may not watch Scandal faithfully going forward, I will be sure to give it the respect that it is due, as a damn good show, not unlike The Bridge’s or Covert Affairs’ of the world.

So that’s it, Breazy has seen the light. Are there any hold over’s left? And I so, what is your apprehension about Scandal?

Talk to me, I’ll talk back.

Breazy Wonder.